Many of us know a family member, friend, colleague, or acquaintance who’s faced breast cancer. That’s why it’s such a personal subject for so many of us. But what we don’t often know are the behind-the-scenes stories of the survivors in our midst. So, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we asked one of our own colleagues, Cindy Kalis, about her experience.
What was your immediate reaction to receiving your breast cancer diagnosis? How did life change for you afterwards?
I was immediately shocked and scared. It was like the whole world moved in slow motion around me. I really couldn't comprehend what people were saying to me, because all I heard was, "You have breast cancer." All I could think about in that moment were my husband and my 10-month-old daughter, and how their lives would be so different if I didn't make it through.
I was 37, recently married, a new mom, and at a pinnacle in my career. How and why was this happening to me? It was the most humbling moment of my life. Everything that I strived to achieve and wanted to be didn't matter in that moment. My life plan shifted, and I had to focus on the only thing that truly mattered—living.
What was your biggest self-discovery or revelation after you were diagnosed?
The biggest revelation after my diagnosis was learning to live in the moment. To be present – for everything. I really wasn't sure how much time I had left, so I knew I had to make every moment count.
It may seem weird to hear me say that my cancer diagnosis was the best gift I ever received. But it truly is. I know now to take everything in and try to freeze moments in my head. To make more memories. What could be better? I often say I wouldn't have chosen to develop cancer, but I wouldn't change the fact that I did.
What treatment approach did you take? What is one thing you wish you knew before you started treatment?
I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer called triple-negative breast cancer. At the time of my diagnosis, there were only a few known treatments that were successful for this type of cancer. After much consultation with my oncologists, I decided to do a lumpectomy (tumor removal) and did five months of aggressive chemotherapy, followed up with more than 30 radiation treatments.
One thing I wish I knew before starting treatment is this—to grant myself grace. A cancer diagnosis takes its toll both physically and mentally. I had to learn that it was okay for me to not be as strong as I used to be, to be tired, to be cranky, to be emotional, and to be scared. I also learned it was ok to find joy, to make jokes, and to laugh (because there's always something funny)! It was all part of the journey.
What were some of the highs and lows during your breast cancer journey? How did you enjoy the highs and overcome the lows?
Goodness! There are so many highs and lows that come along on a breast cancer journey. One could argue that the lows slowly become the highs. Or at least I can.
My husband and I regularly walked around Denison University in beautiful Granville, Ohio, with our daughter in a stroller. We continued walking while I was going through treatment, as it was so good for my body, mind and spirit.
There was one hill in particular that I could walk up with little to no problem when I was healthy. But when going through treatments, I could barely walk up a quarter of the hill without turning around. It was a stark reminder of how sick I was. But we kept trying, and with each passing month of chemo, I was able to walk a little farther. By the end of my chemo treatments, I was able to reach the top of the hill. I remember how awesome that felt when we stood at the top and looked down! It is a memorable example of a low turned into a high!
Another example was playing with my daughter. There were many days after treatment that I didn't feel like playing, and it made me extremely sad. But I was determined! So, I figured out that I could lie down on the floor and let her climb all around and over me like a jungle gym! I'll never forget the smiles from her and from me. I discovered a way to interact with her while exerting very little energy.
What advice would you give on how to best support a loved one going through breast cancer?
The best advice I can offer is to ask what your loved one needs from you…and do your darndest to make it happen!
God love my husband—I know he was scared to death. And he wanted to be strong for me. I found his way of being strong was to keep telling me over and over everything was going to be okay. I think while he was trying to convince me it was true, he was also doing a lot of convincing for himself. The truth was, neither of us knew if it was going to be okay.
Finally, one day I asked him to stop telling me that. I told him what I needed from him was to feel everything I was feeling. If I was scared, I needed him to be scared with me. If I was happy, I needed him to be happy with me. Whatever the day brought, I needed him to walk beside me, every emotion and step of the way. That was his big AHA moment! He never knew that all he had to do was ask me. Once he understood what I needed, our whole experience changed for the better and his support was unmatched.
Breast cancer screening on a regular basis is critical for early detection and successful treatment. Your first line of defense is a yearly mammogram. Schedule your mammogram here.
Learn more about Mount Carmel Cancer Care.